On a Winter Day

Warm soup
Sipped slowly.
Trickled down
Itching throats
That managed to trap
The cold outside
Inside them.

They said that
Warm soup
Melts down the cold
Which reaches down
To your chest
And numbs
Your eyes
Your nose
Your head.

Regardless,
Warm soup
On a cold winter day
Sounds like
A damn good idea.

Warm sunshine
Soaked in slowly.
Streamed down
Through open doorways
That managed to trap
The cold outside
Inside them.

They said that
Warm sunshine
Dissolves all cold
That settles around
The furniture.
And made still
The photographs
The book covers
The shadows.

Regardless,
Warm sunshine
On a cold winter day
Sounds like
A damn good idea.

Warm bodies
Held closely.
As they wrapped around
Beneath blankets
That managed to trap
The warm inside
Between fingers.

They said that
Warm bodies
Leave behind
Cold cavities
That grow into
Terrible frozen storms
That numb
Mind
Heart
Body.

Regardless,
Warm bodies
On a cold winter day,
Sounds like
A damn good idea. 

Enough

I am not tired enough

To sleep on the couch

Or on the bed,

The floor,

The road.

I'm not tired enough 

To take back the words. 

That I meant to say.

I'm not tired enough to 

To fall into the trappings

That Fate has left for me.

I'm not tired enough to

Fall off the cliffs

That the roads I have chosen

Take me. 

I'm not tired enough to

Blind myself with the screams

And fear that embrace me.

I'm not tired enough to

Plaster posters with glue

That won't let it come off 

The walls.

I'm not tired enough

To burn out

The wick that catches fire.

I'm not tired enough

To not have anymore desire.

I'm not tired enough 

To empty bottles of cough syrup

That was left for me.

I'm not tired enough

To find my spaces

In secret silences.

I'm not tired enough

To stand in the middle

Of train tracks,

Of loops of rope,

Of steel and wood,

Of bullets,

Of people 

Who are 

Tired 

Enough.

I'm not tired enough.

But I am not alive.

Its a difficult situation

To not be enough of

Anything.

Posthomous

This diary of mine

Waiting to be opened

By some stranger

Who'll recognize the importance

Of my most intimate
And private
Thoughts

Concerns 

Life.

After I'm dead and gone,

He'll publish it someday

And my legacy

Will be open to 

Love, entertainment
Judgement, resentment,

To anyone who speaks
And everyone who listens.

Illusions

I had a dream
It was blurred at its ends
I didn't know where I was turning
But I knew I was going
Somewhere.
I replayed it several times in my head
I let it foster in my heart
Till I was comfortable enough
With the thought of
Never getting up.

I had a box
It was chipped at its ends
I didn't have the key
But I knew it kept an important
Secret.
I decorated it with beads and silver
I let it become my refuge
Till I was comfortable enough
With the thought of
Making it my home.

I had a letter
It was frayed at its ends
I didn't know the words
But I knew it had my
Past.
I rewrote it several times on the walls
I let the symbols
Become my syllables
Till I was comfortable enough
With the thought of
Never speaking again.

Full Stops

Alone.
Scared.
No.
Neither.
Just.
Empty.
Blinded.

Stop.
Stare.
Blank Out.
Just.
Forget.
Just.
Dissolve.

Words.
Inside.
Outside.
Running.
Sleeping.
Restless.
Trapped.
Feeling.
Just.
Spaces.

Wanting.
Love.
Wanting.
Hope.
Respite.
Faith.
Trust.
Self respect?
Maybe.
Just.
Happiness.

Stop.
Fall.
Rise.
Fall.
Stop.
Rise.
Stop.
Fall.
Rise.
Fall.
Stop
Rise.
Stop.
Rise.
Fall.
Start?
Yes.

Now....

Silences

There was silence among the trees.

An uncomfortable 

Still silence. 

The kind between two strangers

Who want to say something

But don't know what or how. 

It should have rained

And washed the noises

That collected in our heads.

But the street lights

Reminded us that

They would never let us know darkness.

Never let Silence be

Unclothed.

There was silence among the letters

They strung together 

To make words and sentences.

But they didn't make any sound. 

They stared at me 

As I stared at them,

Looking for answers

Locked away in silences.

The voices of struggle

To find the right note 

Of harmony 

Reverberated off the walls

Which could only cave in

Or open to larger spaces.

Don't you cry

There is nothing you can do now

Don't you cry now.

Don't cry that the bird flew away.

There is nothing you can do now,

Don't you cry now.

Don't cry that he died in your arms.

There is nothing you can do now,

Don't you cry now.

Don't cry that the rains never came.

There is nothing you can do now,

Don't you cry now.

Don't cry that it'll never be the same.

Don't you cry now,

Because its never the end till you die.

And if you die now,

Things won't get better.

Don't you cry now,

Because the world can be kind sometimes-

Because you are not alone.

Lets dance

The world is falling apart

But the wind is still blowing

So lets dance

To the whistle it plays.

Lets dance.

When the train chugged away

In the distance I heard it cry-

It had seen too much

It had borne too much.

It wanted to run away from 

The tracks of fate.

So I told it,

Not to listen to old words

That we now knew by heart,

"Lets dance" I said.

So as it hooted along,

We danced.

Time is crumbling in my hands,

But the earth is still beneath my feet,

So lets dance

In this stadium.

Lets dance.

When the tree glistened in the sun,

In the distance I saw it bleed-

It had been too silent,

It had been too still,

It wanted to burst into flames

And dissolve as smoke.

So I told it,

Not to listen to old words

That we now knew by heart.

"Lets dance" I said.

So as it rustled its leaves

We danced.

Purpose is tearing into pieces,

But the heart is still beating,

So lets dance

To the rhythm that it plays.

Lets dance.

When the song played softly,

In the distance I heard it fall-

It had been misused,

It had been misunderstood,

It wanted to blare out

In anger and cause pain.

So I told it,

Not to listen to old words,

That we now knew by heart.

"Lets dance" I said.

So as it wrapped around me

We danced.

The world is falling apart,

But the wind is still blowing.

So lets dance

I know there isn't any music-

But lets just dance.

Egg Jams (A student's complaint)

A combination

That has been unholy 

Since its conception. 

The only pleasure it can give 

Is a sadistic one. 

The only wings it gives are

Ones that fly away from it. 

The only test it takes is

Of patience.

The only skill it hones

Is endurance.

Egg Jams.

They are said to be good for health. 

But I suspect

its because 

They're always served

Before bread and butter. 

Sorrow

When sorrow rose from the horizon,
I greeted her like an old friend.
We had grown so much together
Over these years,
I took her in my arms and embraced her.
We caught up with old memories
Tears sparkling in our reunion.
Sorrow,
Met me anywhere.
She was a lively thing,
Unabashed of her presence,
It was always a struggle to hide
Her flamboyant and self absorbed nature.
Sometimes she would meet me
Between the crevices of a home.
Under the shadows of someone else's eyes,
Someone else's drunken doorway.
She would look at me and tease me
With her big round dark eyes:
"You cannot know me as they do."
I retort back-
"They cannot know you as I do."
She has been handled and shared
by everyone for centuries.
She is a lover
Whose reputation is never tainted.

As you lay with her,
She makes exotic cocktails.
As you lay with her
You see her-
Elusive and beautiful
Horrifying and enigmatic.

Sorrow, is an old friend.
She dresses up in wine
In moonshine and poetry.
When it is time for her to go-
I never know.
But I always anticipate her next
Unexpected visit.

Sometimes

When the wind is cool,

And the flowers fall,

Gently,

Almost in a waltz,

Almost in song,

Swirling in mid air,

Churning the void

Between sun and shadow,

I sometimes wish for rain.

Maybe, 

Someday, it will wash 

Those tears falling from the trees

That dance, sing and glimmer

And always rest peacefully

On dust or gravel or stone.  

चाय

गरम चाय की फरमाइश थी।

गर्मियों में भी, 

गरमागरम 

गपशप की कुछ और ही बात है।

बीते हुए ज़माने की ,

आज के उबढ़ खाबढ़ की, 

चीनी और दूध के 

मिलावट की ,

चाय के साथ 

सुढ़ सुढ़ के 

पी रहे थे। 

स्टाल में अड्डा बनाके ,

बैठ जाते थे 

अपनी  प्लेट में 

नमकीन बिस्कुट लिए।

चाय के बहाने ,

घुल जाते थे हम भी 

शोर के भंवर में .

समय भी 

चाय में दुबकी लगाता  रहता।

बना देता,  

चाय के स्वाद को 

मीठे से, 

नमकीन से, 

गंभीर।

जब चाय ठंडी हो गयी 

तो समय भी बह कर काला हो गया।

गटक लिया तक्कलुफ़ को

जो ख़ामोशी के आखरी पलों में  

जल्दबाजी से भर दिया गया। 

रह गया 

सिर्फ़  

खाली कप।

बची हुई 

चाय की काली पत्तियां ,

जो तेर कर ऊपर न आ सकीं ,

और डूबा हुआ 

बिस्कुट का चूरा ने 

अपनी किस्मत को 

कबूल कर लिया। 

धुला हुआ कप ने 

फिर गरम चाय से 

नयी गप शप की चाबी 

भर डाली। 

There is Death

There is death on the streets
In the evening when they pray.
Can you hear the crowds mourning?
Can you hear what they say?


There is death in the forest
They were in somebody's way.
Can you hear the trees mourning?
Can you hear what they say?


There is death in the valley
With the terror that they slay.
Can you hear the mountains mourning?

Can you hear what they say?

We stand here in our noises

Listening to muted voices.

We stand in empty spaces

Seeing too distant faces.

We stand in gloved hands

As blood trickles down the sands.

There is death out the window

In the night, in the day.

Can you hear the silence mourning?

Do you think you'll get away?

Moments of Weakness

So when I looked out of my window,

I saw the tree glimmer

In the orange light

Of the street lamp.

The wind blew so softly,

I could only feel it

Through the swaying of the leaves. 

It was late and you were asleep.

And yet I wanted to hold you close

Feel your finger tips 

On my parched lips,

Like the wind teased

The leaves with the promise of rain. 

So when I looked out of my window,

I saw an earthen lamp

Fighting the glow

Of the street lamp.

The wind blew so softly,

I could only feel it 

Through the dance of the flame.

It was late and you were away.

And yet I wanted to look in your eyes

With my fingers trace

Down your hidden face,  

Like the smoke rises

And envelopes the burning wick.

So when I looked out of my window,

I saw its black grills

Tinted with the orange

Of the street lamp.

The wind blew so softly

I could only feel it

Through the shifting colours.    

It was late and I was still awake.

So I lay with you in my dreams

Your fingers fully entwined 

Between the spaces of mine.

Like shadows fall

On edges and walls

After they dissolve 

Through glass windows.

Talking to Strangers

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I don't trust them, like they don't trust me.
But most of the time,
They give me the right directions.

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I don't see them, like they don't see me.
But sometimes,
They stop the bus I'm missing too.

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I forget them, like they forget me.
But often I see,
My cap of protest on their head.

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I don't care, like they don't care.
But we always,
Take turns laughing at each other.

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I don't say anything, like they don't.
But its a complex language,
Of monosyllables, gestures and eye contact.

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
On the street,
On the stop
In the bus,
In the metro,
In the line,
In the shop.
In the office,
On my first day,
On my second,
On my last?

Do you talk to strangers?
I do.
I don't know them, like they don't know me.
But sometimes,
They tell me the right bus to catch.