Trying

Let's be honest-
I've tried
But not enough.

My heart breaks
And I fix it.
My mind crumbles
And I fix it.
My body shatters
And I fix it.

But
Let's be honest
It's not quite
Enough.
They keep telling me
It's not quite
Right
Yet.
No matter
The pep talks
I give and take
Somehow
I am
Always
Dissatisfied.

People have tried harder.
They know what they want to
Man up
Don't they?
People are happier.
They know what they need to be
Happy
Don't they?
People are content.
They manage all their
Struggles
Don't they?

People get
Better
Don't they?

Let's be honest
I just want to know
I'll get there.
And that I'll get there
Soon.
Because
Let's be honest
It's not worth it
If happiness isn't cut up
The way they all
Make it out to be.

But maybe
Maybe
I'll be relieved.

Maybe
I'll finally be free
Knowing
There is no end to
This trudging in the mud
This confusion
This utter spiral
This strange
Corrugated
Upside down
Slide.

Maybe
All of us are just
Groping into the dim-
And
None of us has a
Fucking clue.

Maybe we are all just
Plodding along together
Stealing glances
Looking sideways
Desperately
Hoping someone knows
A direction
We can follow.

Let's be honest
There's a comfort
In the togetherness
Of slogging away
In the dark
With
No fucking idea.

Let's be honest
It might be too dark
To see
But for some reason
There's light enough
To hope.

http://pascalcampion.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-crowd.html

Life After You

I still tend to the things you left me.

Your flowers are still here.
I've tried to take care of them
The best I could.

Maybe if they stay alive
So will your memories of me.
I'm not yet ready
To let them go.

Flutterings

Its dark outside

But the screen of my phone 

Glitters 

With

Possibility.

I flick away the bees

Fluttering at my screen

Through a quick

Swiping of my fingers.

Our infinite faces.

Our powerless hearts.

It is dark inside

And the screen of my phone 

Glitters

With

Possibility.

Pretty Woman

Pretty Woman
what stories
does She have to tell
that stir
in her coffee mug

are her eyes searching
for an answer
outside the window
or is She waiting
for her next mistake

her eyes are brown
darker
than the coffee
She drinks

when our eyes locked
i saw the swirls
of a deep conversation
yet to be made

hair fell on her face
carelessly
purposefully
curled around her
cheek
untamed
perhaps etching
a secret
of a past
a future

She bites her lips

does
She think of something
She must
hold back?

She straightens
her back
as if suddenly aware
She's not alone
and maybe
strangers
notice her

She holds a secret
in her fingers as
She stirs
the sugar in the coffee

nails
half bitten
half long
neglected

secrets
make
a lonliness
burdensome to
carry

does
She wish it
wasn't
her burden

would
She have liked
to scream out to
strangers
in this room
who look at her out of
their own lonliness

what captivates
me about her?
her youth
her secrets
her namelessness
her familiarity

if She told me everything
She knew today
would
she
still
be the Pretty Woman
by the window

Looking for something

they all looked
at me funny
when i told them i was
looking for something

perhaps because,
i didn't quite know
when i had it last
Or where to find it
Or what it was
Or why it was important
if found it

all i knew
that it belonged to me
and if i'd stop searching
it'd be lost
with me

Waiting

The sun is setting
Bloodletting the sky
And we are waiting
As the cars whizz by.

The rhythm of the rumbling
Of a time gone past
And we are waiting
To go somewhere at last.

Venus is shining
Foreboding a crimson upset
And we are waiting
To get our feet wet.

Did we hear thunder roll
From the golden clouds?
And we are waiting
To remove our withered shrouds.

It is hot and humid
Our heads feel far from fine
And we are waiting
Too long for stars to align.

The road narrows
As the horizon expands
And we are waiting
For the rest that're damned.

Ode to the platonic lover

Misty eyed

You took me in

With open arms

And steaming tea-

We both didn’t like

But we had anyway-
Because we both knew

I needed

A distilled manifestation

Of the warmth

We promised 

Each other.

Slowly burning embers

Of togetherness

In the coldness

Of the vast wilderness.

Huddled together

Warming our hands

From the remains

Of broken loves

Of betrayed trusts

Of burdened change.

We tested so many

Through the itch 

Of time

Through the pricks

Of mistakes

Through the fire

In our souls.

Only we survived

Whole and pure-

Bhumati,

Daughter of the earth-

The doubted,

The triumphant,

The true protector.

But someday

We will never see 

Each other again.

And someday

When I call upon 

The earth to part

You will be by my side.

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