Love is too small a word

Love is too small a word

It's been too many years

It's been too many betrayals
It's been too many mercies
It's been too many sacrifices
It's been too many plans

It's been too many games
It's been too many movies

It's been too many too manys

Love is too small a word

Tell me you love me

Tell me you love me
so that I forgive
everything else you said 
          and we can fast forward
          to the part where we

          get tired of each other

and I remind you

that you loved me once

          and you tell me 

          that was because

          I once did too.

Metaphors

 Powerful, Versatile,

        Delicate, Subtle

Symbols of experience

        transcending the bounds

                of explanations through

                                Their compact forms.

If you doubt me, ask

        those who sacrifice souls at Their alter

               and murmur incantations at Their feet.

 And if you're prepared for it,    

             watch what happens when 

                            a jilted 

                                  lover, 

                                      poet, and

                                           mathematician

                                                       walk into a bar.

Parenthesis

 I would have held you

     like a parenthesis holds

a single word within its

         curves- 

but I'm worried you may

    misplace the 

               (pregnant) pause-

so I've decided

    to avoid the subtlety    

        of sincerity,

and hang you like a quote

    somewhere precariously in the 

middle, "committing" to be

neither 

     here nor

                    there. 

   

Love, Friendship, and Existential Dread

The world is spinning

And no one's winning

And each beginning

Has a speed that's dinning

All we do is surviving

As we keep on reviving

Our minds that are dividing

Into bits that are colliding

So, hold my hand, I say-

We're going to jump, I say-

From the edge of the world, I say-

To stop us from dying forever.

Let go of my hand, you say-

We're going to stay, you say-

At this edge of the world, you say-

Bathing in sunsets together.

The world is spinning

And no one's winning

And each beginning

Has a speed that's dinning

All we do is surviving

As we keep on reviving

Our minds that are dividing

Into bits that are colliding

 

Sometimes it is enough

Sometimes I sleep with you 

in my dreams. 

On my darkest nights 

you hold me in your arms

and we close our eyes

and it is enough.

As the years have rolled by

I have gained regrets 

at the cost of my pride

but somehow mistakes

have not been levied against

the comfort of souvenirs.

When the air is sweet,

and tinged with longing,

memories bundle themselves

at the edge of my bed-

between the sheets.

Sometimes,

I can even hear them breathing.

Sometimes I sleep with you, 

in my dreams.

On my darkest nights,

you hold me in your arms

and we close our eyes

and it is enough.

Jewels of Dawn

Yesterday's storm hung
its jewels on our tree last night.

When dawn broke,

the delicate diamonds 

tore an ancient light into a million pieces

and scattered it along our window.

All this while, our tree desperately 

clutched the pear-shaped gems

that would inevitably 

slip through its fingers

and shatter on the wet dirt below.

A gentle reminder

take a deep breath and close your eyes as you see yourself 

falling into your red body glowing at the edge of your eyes 

pick up the ball of light you've been clenching in your stomach 

let it float and pulse in your aching ribcage with your heart

so you've disappointed all those who love you

so you never found the right things to say to do

so you can't stop people being claimed by forever and 

you can't help yourself from fidgeting and

fighting and spiting your body

that just wants to

take a deep breath and close your eyes

as you see yourself 

falling into 

your red body

glowing at the edge of your eyes

pick up the ball of light

you've been clenching 

in your stomach 

let it float and pulse

in your aching ribcage with 

your heart

so you've disappointed all 

those who love you

so you never found

the right things 

to say to do 

so you can't stop people 

being claimed by forever

and you can't help yourself

from fidgeting and

fighting and 

spiting your body

that just wants to

take a deep breath and 

close your eyes

as you see yourself

falling into your red

body glowing at 

the edge of

your eyes pick up

the light 

you've been clenching 

in your stomach  

let it float 

and pulse in your 

aching ribcage with your 

heart

so you've disappointed

all those who love you

so you never found 

the right

things to say 

to do

so you can't stop 

people being claimed by 

forever

and you can't 

help yourself

from

fidgeting and fighting and spiting

your body that just

wants to take 

a deep breath and close

your eyes

as you see 

yourself falling 

into your 

red body 

glowing

at the edge of

your eyes

pick up the ball

of light

you've been clenching 

in your stomach

let it 

float and

pulse 

in your

aching ribcage

with 

your 

heart

so

you've disappointed 

all those who 

love you

so 

you never

found the

right things

to say

to do

so 

you can't 

stop people 

being 

claimed by 

forever

and you 

can't

help

yourself 

from 

fidgeting 

and

fighting

and 

spiting

your

body that 

just 

wants 

to

take 

a deep 

breath

and 

close 

your eyes

Revival

My fingers are cold 

pressed against that mug 

you bought me-

I rummage through 

our tea collection-

I still can’t use your favourite.

And I still don’t put a lid over 

a pot of boiling water-

Yes, I know- 

you’ve told me- but-

it’s comforting 

to watch it sputter 

from still 

to effervescent.

I’ve started using that

teapot you hated to

brew the teas we kept 

for special occasions-

I know- 

you’d laugh-

too. 

I watch milk squiggle 

down the mug

with the colour

of your eyes-

as steam dances on the rim-

I’ve forgotten how much

sugar you liked-

I still burn my tongue

to check it’s alright. 

When the tea stops swirling

and everything combines

I bring the mug’s lip to mine

and warm my cold body.

Tomato Paste

Like me 

when the tomato left 

its native land 

it was scattered 

across the seas.

Every home claimed it.

Every home 

chopped and diced

its taut unbranded skin

with cold metal:

its juices spilling on the

marbled altar of 

tradition and

enterprise.

But goodness feeds on sacrifice:

so, I will grind this tomato smooth

with garlic, ginger, and onions-

and I will fry this paste in the pan

till oil bleeds from all its sides-

and then they will sniff me out

and then will crinkle their noses

and then tell me

This is so authentic 

and then tell me

This is so wholesome

and I will tell them 

not to worry:

I use the cans they sell 

at the Indian store.

So, I won’t explain how 

it’s made from scratch: 

flavoured with 

my mother’s complaints 

that something is missing.

Starlight

In the darkness of my room

my pocket screen churns colours 

in the shape of one of us

and says 

we are all stardust and swirling in the starlight

the starlight that docks ships in the harshest planets

is the same that made them inhospitable 

the starlight that feeds the earth 

is the same that burns its fuels

the starlight that ricochets in a motherboard

is the same that reminds us of pain

the starlight that paints men in the sky

is same that liberates them in flame

the starlight we used to preserve our minds

is the same we will use to destroy our kind.

My eyes burn 

as if I’ve been staring directly 

into the sun.

As I drift into the darkness

my dreams 

swirl, 

glimmer,

and disappear

in an ever-shifting beam 

still cupped in my hands.

Source: 
https://soundcloud.com/low-light-mixes/dust-particles-in-sunlight

Sunset at 5

As the sun set

the trees held it 

in their outstretched limbs.

When it tumbled down their delicate leaves,

the papery green curtains

shielded me:

cutting through its terrible glare

leaving trails of 

golden-red glitter

on the scattered dust of traffic

below.

Sunset at 5

Chaukhat

It should be easy to
Blend in the
shor of the city.
Dilli ki 
gaadiyan aur bheed ke
Band Baja Barat mein
There's no fear of being found.

phir bhi pata nahin kyun

atki hui hoon

iss chaukhat par,

ek paun ghar ki

chhaya mein

ek haath middle class ki

Asperational values ki

or badhaya hua.

khoyi hui mehsoos karti hoon

And yet

I know I am fully seen.

Parents,

Teachers,

didi,

rikshavale, 

muhallevale,

poojarivaale:

Everyone is watching,

Everyone is listening

kaise 

shabdon ki ladiyan

mujhse

self-consciously

jodi jaatin hain.

sab jaante hainn

inn baaton se kaise

nazarein churayin jaatin hain.

Sabke paas nuske hain 

is condition ki:
haldi le lo,
amla le lo,
aankhe meench lo,
Time se kha lo.
Kehte hain
angrez,
Gandhi,
Ambedkar aur
Aurangzeb ki galti hai ki
main
shakkar ke tarah
garam doodh mein
doobkar
ghul nahin pati.
agar sawaalon ki 
milavat na hoti
toh shayad
neend aajaati.

Par sapnon mein bhi
kho jane ka chain kahan?
Kaise ghul jaun iss noise mein
jab I don't even belong to
The bhasha I dream in?

Chaukhat